Do you ever wonder what went wrong?

Sometimes I wonder; why was our friendship so easy for you to forget?
I think back to what happened and think that cannot possibly be the reason we do not talk anymore. I apologized, not for everything, but for what I felt I needed to, and tried to explain things I thought were simple misunderstandings. I realized you were hurt and felt badly for that, but it was not something I had done intentionally. Reflecting, I believe there had to have been something more, something bigger, that you did not tell me about, which stops you from talking to me. If so why did you not tell me?? You have forgiven others for much more painful and intentional things that they have done to you. You have forgiven them more than once, sometimes too many times to count. You have forgiven things they have purposefully said to hurt you, you forgave, because that is who you are. You are a wonderful, caring, and forgiving person who values her friends. Yet, you cannot seem to forgive me, why?
Is it because I did not want to see you hurt in a relationship that seemed to be forever hurting you? Maybe, but I thought we had gone beyond that and gotten past it, and I tried to understand, and just support you. No, I wasn’t sitting there with my pompoms but listened to you, and wanted you to be happy, and I thought you and I both understood that.
I really don’t think that’s what it was… but maybe I am wrong.
Maybe I am completely off by thinking that there had to have been something bigger for you to have given up so easily… maybe you thought I gave up? I never gave up, I just did not want to apologize for things that I did not think I had to. I tried to make you understand where I was coming from, is that why? I didn’t say, “I’m sorry, you’re right, I am a horrible person, I did horrible things, and it’s all my fault, please forgive me.” Is that what you wanted to hear? Is that why?
After that I did not say anything more, I did not fight to try and talk to you, because I thought we would move beyond it. I thought you would talk to me when you were ready. I did not know that whatever happened hurt you so deeply… but maybe not.
Maybe it was something more, and you felt I wasn’t the kind of friend you wanted anymore. Maybe you did not value the friendship we had anymore. Things had changed, yes, I was busy, we didn’t see each other as much, but we were trying… at least, that’s what I thought? I know I had changed, but I was never trying to leave you behind, I was just trying to reach my goals. I wanted to be a better person, and experience new things, different things, and I was hoping you would be there with me as you had in the past.
I have no idea what really happened, because it just does not make sense to me.
I don’t know if you felt that I used you, or that I had been treating you like shit, or maybe you just don’t care that I’m not in your life now?
I honestly don’t know, because I have never once wanted to hurt you. I know you were friends with other people for longer before you forgave them for all the crap they put you through… maybe that’s part of why it’s so hard for you to forgive me. It is not like we were friends forever, but for some reason I never thought that mattered. From day one I felt like our friendship was different. I thought we could talk about everything, that we would be walking around when we were older, looking so great, giggling about the other older ladies that had made the mistake of dying their hair blue. We would be friends for years to come, that’s what I thought. Despite what you may have thought, what you may think, I don’t give a shit about what you have or don’t have. I have no idea if that is what is you think, and I can’t imagine how you would ever come to think that. I thought you knew that I loved you, your family, and that I loved you for who you are not for what you have... but I guess not.

One day maybe you will tell me what happened, maybe you won’t, maybe you don’t even give it a second though. You were my friend, you did so much for me, and I tried to do the same for you. I tried to be there for you, but I guess you think I wasn’t.

I guess I never thought either of us would give up so easily on our friendship, because it meant the world to me, and I thought it meant the same to you. Maybe I was wrong.